It will be an occasion of sadness as both clubs dwell on the hidden monster of mental and emotional distress and the absence of Speed in the stands, but also of gratitude for the happiness he provided to so many. I think that reflects that he is still there in some form, in my memories of him. Gary was a person whose impact upon people will last forever, and so many of the people he played with or managed would say exactly the same.
The recognition of legacy is a vital tool in the grieving process. In those who were influenced by, knew or worked with them, flickers of fond memory appear. They may last only a second, but in that moment you experience a warming familiarity that helps to console the soul.
And Speed did leave a legacy. If we do not truly pass until everyone who knew us has passed too and when everything we worked towards has lost all impact, there is reason to be thankful and even upbeat.
The rise of the Wales national team over the last decade is a statue to the communal spirit of their group and an association finally able to have all parts moving in the same direction, but nobody is under any illusions of who helped to make it possible. And Gary helped change that perception. I remember thinking, when he died, that if every footballer was like Gary Speed, the world would be a better place. He was just an absolute credit to his country and his family.
In March , before a game against England, he issued each player with the words to the national anthem — in Welsh — and told them to learn it, phonetically if they had to. When players arrive into the squad for the first time, they are provided with education on the cultural and societal history of the country. Never again would the national team be comprised of disparate individuals who viewed international football as a distraction from their club responsibilities. In an interview with the Mirror, external-link Louise Speed said she found the letter, written while he was at Leeds United, during research into a new book about the Speed family.
It answers an awful lot about why he did what he did. It's not something a normal year-old would write, is it? Or not a well one," she said. After retiring as a player he became Wales' manager in December Speed and his wife had two sons together, Thomas and Edward. Louise read them avidly: the hopes and dreams of a talented young player struggling with being away from his family, missing his girlfriend, reaching out for something to keep him happy between training sessions and matches.
But at times they took a darker turn, and he talked of ending it, or appearing to hint he was ready to walk away from the sport before his career had even got going.
Even now, Louise admits she finds it difficult to forgive the football icon for taking his own life. She described the moment she discovered his body in their garage back in as like something from a "horror film".
Welshman Speed became a cult hero in British football after a glittering career that took him to Leeds, Everton, Newcastle, Bolton and Sheffield United - making more than appearances for club and country. It doesn't discriminate, touching the lives of people in every corner of society - from the homeless and unemployed to builders and doctors, reality stars and footballers. It's the biggest killer of people under the age of 35, more deadly than cancer and car crashes.
And men are three times more likely to take their own life than women. Yet, it's rarely spoken of, a taboo that threatens to continue its deadly rampage unless we all stop and take notice, now. To remind anyone facing a tough time, grappling with mental illness or feeling like there's nowhere left to turn, that there is hope. To mark World Suicide Prevention Day, over the course of this week, we will tell you the stories of brave survivors, relatives left behind, heroic Good Samaritans - and share tips from mental health experts.
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